Sunday, October 30, 2011

Stalking in the Pre-Social Media Era

If we are to learn anything from the first season of Felicity, it is that our title character is a total creep. Instead of spending her first few months in New York consuming bad coffee and egg sandwiches at the local bodega or buying turtlenecks at the Gap, Felicity searches for new and more embarrassing ways to intensify her obsession with Ben. These days it is pretty easy to be a nondescript creep, what with all these social networking sites at our disposal. I imagine if Felicity was stalking Ben today she would visit his Facebook profile multiple times every hour, refreshing for new status updates and Google-mapping his whereabouts. She would learn that he liked basketball, Jack Kerouac, and The Wire, and would study up on all these subjects before approaching him. She would see what events he was attending and promptly say she was attending them as well, just to play it cool when they ran into each other at said event. She would post coy comments on his wall and he would likely respond in a friendly manner and she would misinterpret this as a reciprocation of feelings. This dance would go on for several weeks until Ben was tagged in a photo with Felicity's new big city best friend, Julie.

Unfortunately for Felicity she was chasing Ben in 1998 and based upon her bad pants and her continuous use of a tape recorder, I suspect Felicity wasn't that adept at using the internet. As a result, she has to stalk Ben the old fashioned way, which means: following her unrequited crush to New York; taking a job at the school admissions office to break into her crush's confidential file to read his college application essay; finding out someone has requested access to her college admissions essay (which, in typical creeper fashion, is written about Ben), and so wrongfully assumes her crush is as creepy as she is and sends him a copy of her essay in the mail only to try and commit a federal crime by stealing the mail back when she realizes her mistake; and "helping" her crush by rewriting one of his essays without telling him and then acting surprised when he is accused of cheating because he is ridiculously good-looking and his professor does not believe he is capable of intellectual ideas. Nice work, Porter.

Girl has no boundaries!